Confidence cue – Say yes more

Self-confidence goes hand in hand with positivity. The more positive your self-talk is, the more confident you will be. We’re all guilty of talking down to ourselves – saying things like, “I need to do better,” or “I wish I didn’t do that.” But it’s time to put an end to that negativity.

 

Instead, say yes more.

Then load up your self-talk with positive affirmations instead of self-deprecation.

Ever heard of a mantra? Now is the perfect time to come up with an encouraging mantra for yourself - it may be something you envisage for yourself - but especially something you know that is grounded in experience or felt emotion.

And make sure to rid your vocabulary of any wishy-washy phrases like “I think” or “I hope.” Confidence means you know you can do it – start living up to that now!

3 Reasons we are afraid to ask for help

Struggles and obstacles are a part of life that everyone deals with at some point or another throughout life.

 

Some people know the benefits of asking for help, yet others hold themselves back and suffer silently. Whether you are struggling in your professional or personal life, not asking for the help you need can be detrimental to your success. Here are three reasons why you may be afraid to ask for help.

Pride Stands in the Way

People who are independent by nature tend to struggle when it comes to asking for help when they really need it because they believe they should do everything themselves. Often, this can become a detriment to them and others around them who are dependent on them.

 

While independence is a great trait to have, the pride that comes with it can get in the way of getting things accomplished promptly. It may take you twice as long to solve a problem as it would if you asked for help. It may be honorable to be independent; however, you may be hurting yourself more than you realize when you let pride stand in the way.

Fear of Rejection

The fear of rejection is a big reason people ask others for help when they need it. These people are so wrapped up in their concern that they convince themselves that everyone will say “no” to whatever they ask, so it is better not to ask in the first place.

 

By not asking for help because you believe the other person will reject you, you tell them you do not think they care enough to help. This shows an insecurity that will keep you from accomplishing your goals and keep others from connecting with you on a closer level.

Fear of Being Exposed As an Imposter

Imposter syndrome is a phrase used to describe people who go through their lives doing what needs to be done, all the while feeling they will be exposed as a fraud. They may be having success, but they think it is more luck than any real skill or knowledge that has gotten them thus far.

 

This fear of feeling like an imposter can grow to a point where it is difficult to ask others for help because they may be exposed. This fear can have detrimental effects on a person's personal and professional life because they cannot ask others for help.

 

Overall, when you get into a situation where you need help but hesitate, you may be experiencing one of the above reasons. Overcoming these fears and insecurities can help you move into the life you have always wanted for yourself.

 

 

Success Is Not Luck, It’s You!

Do you have feelings or worries that your co-workers or friends will think you're a fraud? Do you often feel like you don’t belong? These are feelings of impostor syndrome and an estimated 70% of successful people experience this in their lives.

 

Impostor syndrome can cause you to feel that you only accomplished your goals due to luck. Maybe you think you aren’t as good as your boss thinks you are and you worry that you’ll be found out.

 

Research shows us that both men and women battle impostor syndrome and are unable to acknowledge and own their successes.

Five Patterns of Impostor Syndrome

 

According to the impostor expert Valerie Young and author of “The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women”, there are five patterns that can be found in those who suffer from this phenomenon.

 

  1. You set unrealistic goals for yourself and are often considered a perfectionist.
  2. You are afraid to speak up or answer questions due to fear of not knowing the answer.
  3. You are afraid to ask for help because you think you’ll look like a failure to others.
  4. You feel like a fraud if the answer doesn’t come naturally.
  5. You push yourself hard than your peers in order to prove yourself.

 

Individuals that live with impostor syndrome think that things happen to them due to luck rather than their own hard work or abilities. This then leads to a cycle of negative thinking that can hold them back from moving up the corporate ladder. They may even end up working harder than necessary, which could lead to increased feelings of failure or burnout.

 

Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life

 

If you are living with impostor syndrome you may struggle with accepting your own success. Perhaps you feel that you don’t deserve your corporate position or an award of accomplishment. If you can relate to this, then there are some suggestions on how you can fix your inner impostor.

 

  • Change your mindset to accept your shortcomings instead of seeking a perfect outcome with every project or goal.

 

  • Embrace your imperfections and learn to accept yourself the way you are. Remind yourself that you did your best.

 

  • Keep a list of realistic goals. If you have a list of goals already then look through them with honesty.

 

  • Believe the effort you’ve put forth regardless of the outcome. You may have worked hard towards a goal just to fall short of the desired outcome. This is an opportunity to accept the outcome and still be proud of the work you put into it.

 

  • Create a focused goal instead of trying to divide your attention energy between unrelated topics. Be okay with having someone else work on a particular area of a task so you are free to focus on what you enjoy.

 

Impostor syndrome can cause the strongest and most successful individuals to feel like they are not good enough. This syndrome has a negative effect on all areas of your life. So take time to assess where you are and what you can do to move forward in your life.

 

8 Power-Ups for Reclaiming Confidence

There is nothing more crippling than losing your confidence.

 

Without confidence, everything gets harder. You struggle to concentrate. Tasks feel overwhelming. If you stay there, you’ll even find a more long-term emotional impact, where you might fall into depression or become bogged down in indecision. Without confidence, you lose all forward progress.

 

This is why it’s so important to reclaim your confidence after suffering a blow. For a fast boost, try these eight power-ups.

Do What Makes You Uncomfortable

When you take risks, you stretch yourself in surprising new ways. This is a powerful feeling. Why? It takes confidence to step outside your comfort zone. Trying something new forces you to act with confidence, whether you started out feeling it or not.

 

Find Your Purpose

Knowing what you’re destined to do is a fantastic feeling and fills a person with confidence. If you’re unsure why you’ve set a particular goal, or are questioning what you’re doing, you’re not likely to feel confident at all. Solidifying the goal in your mind is a rapid boost to confidence then.

 

Keep Trying

It’s normal to experience failure from time to time. This kind of disaster can easily destroy confidence. You regain this confidence when you get up and try again.

 

Learn Things

Knowledge truly is power. When you really understand something inside out, you tend to be very confident (at least in that area). Continually learning new things expands your knowledge base. As a result, your confidence extends in new directions as well.

 

Drop the Idea Things Have to be Perfect

When nothing is ever good enough, confidence falters. How are you supposed to feel sure of yourself when you’re feeling things are always unfinished or lacking somehow? By accepting things as they are, warts and all, you’ll find you’re relax more and even become more confident in what you’re doing because you’re telling yourself that what you have or are doing is exactly what you need.

 

Dress for Success

How we present ourselves to the world really can affect our mental state. Wearing what makes you feel good about yourself will restore confidence. A change in attitude is only a change in outfit away.

 

Trust Yourself

When you doubt your instincts, you’re telling yourself you don’t really know what you’re doing. This is why it’s so important to ‘go with your gut’ when faced with a challenge. This kind of trust instills confidence in your ability to judge a situation or outcome.

 

Look Forward

Confidence has a hard time standing up to ghosts from the past. When you get caught up in your previous failures or uncertainties, confidence falters. Instead, look forward to positive emotions. When you recognize your potential, you start seeing just how amazing you are.

7 Secrets to Reclaiming Confidence that Successful People Know

Winston Churchill once said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

 

The problem is, enthusiasm can be hard to come by, especially when yours has taken a beating. Setbacks and disappointments have a way of knocking it down. We start doubting ourselves and lose sight of who we really are. Without confidence, it becomes impossible to try, guaranteeing failure.

 

Thankfully, we know one thing for certain: confidence can be reclaimed, as every successful person knows. Read on to discover 7 things successful people know about reclaiming confidence.

 

They Remind Themselves They Can Do It

Successful people recognize failure is normal. Getting there won’t be without bumps. The important thing when trying to regain confidence is to realize success is still a possibility…or even a probability. This is where you remind yourself of your goal and visualize success all over again.

 

They Walk Away

There comes a time where a break is the best thing you can give yourself. Confidence wavers when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Doing a hobby you love, or even just taking a walk, or spending time with friends, does a lot toward regaining a positive mindset when you’re feeling frustrated.

 

They Revisit the Past

Where have you succeeded before? Where have you failed? Everything that’s come before is a teaching moment. What do you know about yourself already from these events? Understanding the “you of yesterday” is where your insights today come from. Confidence comes from using this knowledge well.

 

 

They Forgive

Hating yourself for some mistake you made isn’t going to get you anywhere and only destroys your confidence. Being able to let go and forgive the past is crucial to future success.

 

They Keep a Handle on What They’re Saying

Self-talk can be particularly destructive to confidence. How do you talk to yourself? Are you patient and understanding, or do you tend toward negativity? Grabbing hold of those mental put-downs will preserve self-confidence. Using more positive statements will build it up.

 

They Start Over

The only sure way to fail is to do the same thing, in exactly the same way, when you’ve already failed the first time. Rather than force failure onto yourself and eradicate confidence, revamp the strategy. Ask yourself how you can do things differently this time.

 

They Keep Trying

Persistence pays off. If you fail and stop, you’ll always think of yourself as a failure. It’s the person who gets up and tries again who builds confidence as they go.

 

In the end, the only way to reclaim your confidence is to put intentional work into recovering it. By using these tips, you’ll get there. Recognize the process can sometimes be slow, but success truly does still lie within your grasp, even after a setback.

 

6 Ways to Reclaim Confidence After Losing It

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4 Things You Need to be Doing Now to Reclaim Lost Confidence

Confidence. It’s such an essential part of who we are, that we become crippled when we lose it entirely. Even a ding on our confidence levels can have a way of setting us back or even derailing our day. This is why it’s so important to reclaim lost confidence quickly when you lose it.

 

Thankfully, there’s been a lot of scientific study into confidence and what happens in the brain to inspire it. Read on to find out about 4 scientifically proven things you need to be doing right now to reclaim lost confidence.

 

Start with a Vision

Perhaps one of the most underrated techniques to attain success is visualization. Most people look at this in surface terms. They might picture the project completed without taking the time to really envision the act in absolute detail. The thing is the more complex the visualization, the more likely you are to realize the success you’re striving for. Why? You’re actually building neural pathways designed to ‘trick’ your brain into thinking you’ve already succeeded, leading you to step out with a lot more confidence when you’re working toward your goals.

 

Use Affirmations Often

Silly as it seems, using positive statements about yourself frequently will turn into positive self-talk. This kind of internal dialogue bolsters confidence without you even realizing you’re doing it.

 

Win Lots

How many successes have you had today? Most people would probably say very few, focusing only on the big victories such as the promotion at work, or meeting some big relationship milestone. The thing is, our day is filled with small successes. By recognizing all these minor victories, you signal your brain that, yay, you did this thing. This creates a rush of dopamine (the ‘feel-good’ brain chemical) coupled with a dose of testosterone, which acts as an appetite for more victories, making petty wins addictive. All this together creates a biofeedback loop that pushes confidence levels higher the more you ‘win.’

 

Change Your Position

Body language tells the world everything they need to know about you. When confidence is low, you look it. Your entire body slumps, your limbs feel slack, and your energy levels drop down to nothing. But doing something so small as sitting up straighter or taking a more assertive pose, your body recognizes this as confidence. As a result, you start feeling more confident inside, whether you’d felt confident before shifting position or not.

 

Understanding how the mind works make restoring confidence an easy task. These actions are all simple, easy to do things even when you’re not feeling confident at all initially. The results will speak for themselves.

 

5 Steps to Fix Confidence Quickly

You didn’t even see it coming. One minute you thought everything was fine, and the next, you were looking at a disaster. The question is, what are you going to do next?

Confidence can take a hit anywhere, whether you’re trying to accomplish something new you’ve never done before, trying to get ahead at work, or even looking for that special someone. The problem is, without confidence, it’s hard to pick yourself up and keep going. Since you know the only thing standing between you and success in moments like this is you, fixing confidence is crucial. Lucky for you, these five steps should get you there quickly.

 

Fake It

In psychology, the phrase is to “Act As-If.” How do you do it? If you’re not feeling confident, act like you are. The funny thing is, once you get started, your body will kick in and will begin to find the old confidence for you all by itself. Don’t believe it? An entire Harvard study proved this to be true.

 

Take Care Of Yourself

Things battering at your confidence can do quite a number on you. Covering up can only get you so far. Sometimes you just need to deal with the stuff that hit you hard in the first place. Here is where you acknowledge the emotional impact of what just happened. It might be you have some stuff to work through. The key here is not to go, so caught up wallowing in negative emotions that you forget to heal. Do what you need to process the situation, then move on. Sometimes therapy helps in this stage if you’re having more trouble than you know how to handle on your own.

 

Learn the Lesson

Failure hits confidence hard, but can also be an excellent teacher. Ask yourself what you can discover from this challenge and allow yourself to grow from the experience.

 

Make it Hard

Quitting is the easiest thing in the world to do, especially when your confidence is shattered. How to hang in there and restore your confidence? Making it impossible to give up. By using accountability partners or programs, you’ll find it harder to let go of the project and walk away. The upside to this? By being forced to keep going, your confidence will begin to rebound.

 

Look for the Accomplishments

Very rarely are you faced with a total catastrophic failure. Examine what’s going on. What things went right? Where are the successes? By noticing what you’ve accomplished, you’ll find your confidence comes creeping back.

 

Confidence can be a tricky thing, but with some careful examination of what you’re already doing now and taking some solid action to put yourself back in motion, you’ll quickly find it’s not as hard to be confident as you once thought it was. Here then, are the seeds to your future success.

 

 

 

 

 

Resilience – optimism

It’s not that optimism solves all of life’s problems, it is just that it can sometimes make the difference between coping and collapsing.

Lucy MacDonald

 

 

3 Truths About Reclaiming Confidence You Need to Know Right Now

Not everyone is going to get it right.

Sadly, there’s always someone quick to point out when you’re getting it wrong.

It’s when you come under fire that you lose confidence quickly.

To get past this kind of blow to our confidence, you need to understand these simple truths:

 

Not Everyone Has It Right. Not Even You

Haters are gonna hate. But just because someone comes at you with the most reasonable-sounding explanation in the world of why you’re an idiot (and you’re an expert at giving that speech to yourself), the truth is, the person doing the talking quite likely doesn’t know what they’re talking about. This is because of one simple truth: People really don’t know everything, and even when they think they do, they have a tendency to get things wrong. So just because something nasty has been said, it doesn’t make it right. Regardless of who it’s coming from.

 

A Lot of Criticism is Grounded in Jealousy

That disaster you’re beating yourself up over? How much of it was the result of the green-eyed monster? Too often, we give people authority over us they don’t deserve. We listen to their complaints thinking they’re right without questioning why they’re attacking what you’re doing. The biggest culprit of why you’ve drawn the attention of the critics is jealousy. Don’t let someone pull down your confidence just because they’re feeling threatened by where you are.

 

You’re Better Than You Think

The loss of confidence can make you the critic. Why? Because now you’re looking for justification for thinking you’re no good. And trust me, when you go hunting for this kind of justification, you’ll always find it. Here’s where you need to back up and take a good, hard, impartial look at yourself. Ask:

  • Is This Thought Really True?

For example, you might be thinking, “I fail at everything I do.” Is this realistic? Probably not.

 

  • If This Thought Isn’t True, What Emotion is it Coming From?

The most likely explanation? A lot of negative emotions come from fear. In the previous example, you might be afraid of failing, so by convincing yourself you’re a failure already, you no longer have to try.

 

  • What’s a Truer Statement I Might Make Instead?

Try rewording the thought and keep it honest. ‘I’m afraid of failing, but since I’ve succeeded in the past, there’s good reason to think I will succeed now.”

 

Confidence comes from accepting the reality of who you are and where you are. Remember, nobody, not even you, has a right to make you feel small.