5 Steps to Fix Confidence Quickly

You didn’t even see it coming. One minute you thought everything was fine, and the next, you were looking at a disaster. The question is, what are you going to do next?

Confidence can take a hit anywhere, whether you’re trying to accomplish something new you’ve never done before, trying to get ahead at work, or even looking for that special someone. The problem is, without confidence, it’s hard to pick yourself up and keep going. Since you know the only thing standing between you and success in moments like this is you, fixing confidence is crucial. Lucky for you, these five steps should get you there quickly.

Fake It

In psychology, the phrase is to “Act As-If.” How do you do it? If you’re not feeling confident, act like you are. The funny thing is, once you get started, your body will kick in and will begin to find the old confidence for you all by itself. Don’t believe it? An entire Harvard study proved this to be true.

Take Care Of Yourself

Things battering at your confidence can do quite a number on you. Covering up can only get you so far. Sometimes you just need to deal with the stuff that hit you hard in the first place. Here is where you acknowledge the emotional impact of what just happened. It might be you have some stuff to work through. The key here is not to go, so caught up wallowing in negative emotions that you forget to heal. Do what you need to process the situation, then move on. Sometimes therapy helps in this stage if you’re having more trouble than you know how to handle on your own.

Learn the Lesson

Failure hits confidence hard, but can also be an excellent teacher. Ask yourself what you can discover from this challenge and allow yourself to grow from the experience.

Make it Hard

Quitting is the easiest thing in the world to do, especially when your confidence is shattered. How to hang in there and restore your confidence? Making it impossible to give up. By using accountability partners or programs, you’ll find it harder to let go of the project and walk away. The upside to this? By being forced to keep going, your confidence will begin to rebound.

Look for the Accomplishments

Very rarely are you faced with a total catastrophic failure. Examine what’s going on. What things went right? Where are the successes? By noticing what you’ve accomplished, you’ll find your confidence comes creeping back.

Confidence can be a tricky thing, but with some careful examination of what you’re already doing now and taking some solid action to put yourself back in motion, you’ll quickly find it’s not as hard to be confident as you once thought it was. Here then, are the seeds to your future success.

Story

5 Reasons why it might NOT be best to lead with a story

"Always lead with a story".

I wonder who gave him that advice?

It sounds feasible, even powerful.

Stories ARE powerful.

They engage, build credibility, create an emotional tone, set the scene.

And all of those things are what is needed from a speech opening.

But they are not the only options for a speech opening.

You can do something that really GRABS attention, if that is necessary. And you will waste anything that is not aimed at getting attention and holding it ... like saying "hello" or testing the microphone. But between those extremes there are many choices. You can open with a quote, you can use a different language or colloquialism, you can use humour, you can ask a question. You can refer to a person or event that has local interest at the moment you speak.

And you can use story.

But certainly not ONLY story.

Does this audience relate to story? Do they value that emotional connection? Perhaps they are sleepy after lunch. A story, unless it is incredibly punchy, may be too slow.

Has something happened immediately before your speech that MUST be addressed? Avoid that or, indeed, the elephant in the room, and you lose a powerful opportunity to connect and engage.

Is this a regular gig? Perhaps you periscope your tips every few days. If you open with the same signature story every single time and, congratulations!, you have regular followers, they certainly don't want to hear it over and over again. "For Goodness' sake," I mutter, "you promised me 5 tips on this thing, get on with them!!" "And you don't have to sell me on who you are, I KNOW you already!"

Please don't open with a story unless you have it fine-tuned and powerful. You need to know exactly what you are creating with the story, why you are using it, and have removed anything that does not contribute to that outcome. This is especially true if you are trying to establish your credibility. One tiny flaw, one tiny doubt in that story, one weakness and you have me doubting you, wondering about that weakness or doubt and I lose the trust you need me to have and you have to build it up again. Those tips, that content, had better be good!

Make sure, too, that the story does actually serve some sort of purpose. I understand that story creates connections, all on its own. It also creates it own energy, no matter where you use it in the speech. But we, your audience, are creatures with short attention spans, especially if we discovered you as we were flicking through the internet, or are sitting in your audience reading from devices. Tell me a pointless story and you insult me and lose my attention. I return to my browsing. I gave you my time and attention in hope of receiving something of use, or an experience worth attending. Reassure me that that is what I am getting by having the purpose of the story absolutely obvious - at some time soon!!

I say "Thank you" to the man who provoked me to write this article. I like him and I value his content. I was just sad and irritated to see him devaluing himself by taking advice that wasn't suitable to his uses.

"Lead with a story", by all means but not ALWAYS!

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Resilience – optimism

It’s not that optimism solves all of life’s problems, it is just that it can sometimes make the difference between coping and collapsing.

Lucy MacDonald

Public Speaking

Mind Mapping your Speaking Presentation

You have a speaking presentation to make.

You have been given a topic or have chosen one and there are a multitude of ideas buzzing around in your head.

Or maybe there is a frightening LACK of ideas!

Or maybe you can think of no way to organise those thoughts into something memorable.

A mind map will help you.

WHAT ARE MIND MAPS??

Mind maps are a way of collecting and organising ideas and information, in a visual way, and were created in the 1960’s by Tony Buzan, and now the design programs available on the internet will allow you so much more freedom of creativity and editing!

A mind map will

Give you an overview of your subject
Enable you to plan routes/make choice
Help you to gather data
Encourage you to create new pathways
Enable you to be extremely efficient
Be enjoyable to look at, read, muse over and remember
Attract and hold your eye/brain
Let you see the whole picture and the details at the same time
Assist YOU!

Mind Maps work so well because they integrate the rational, logical, linear left-brain with the playful, special, non-verbal and big picture right brain. So they have a much greater advantage than simple left-brain methods such as taking notes on lined paper and a single colour pen.

HOW TO MIND MAP

Turn an A4 or A3 white sheet of paper on its side (landscape). You can also use flip-chart paper, whiteboards and computers.
Gather a selection of coloured pens, ranging from fine nib to medium and highlighters
Start in the centre with an unframed image
Make this central image stand out. You might use dimension, expression and at least three colours to attract attention and aid memory.
Draw “branches” out to “chapter headings”. They can be straight or they can be wavy to make them more organic. You can make these thicker because they are central.
Branch off thinner lines to hold supporting data.
Use images wherever possible, or use a variety of size and abbreviation for words. Use codes, symbols and dimensions that have meaning for you
Select keywords and print using upper or lower case letters
Each word/image should be alone and in its own space. You can put them on the lines or make an area for each
Use colours in your own special code to show people, topics, themes or dates and to make the Mind Map more beautiful.
Show associations and create possible order for the presentation
Flood the page
Capture all ideas then edit, re-organise, make more beautiful, elaborate or clarify as a second stage of thinking.
Develop your own personal style of Mind Mapping. Keep practising until the process becomes natural.

Now it simply remains for you to find the words to express the ideas you have found and created, the bridges between them, and an opening and closing that package them well and make them memorable. Enjoy this wonderful tool!

Bibliography: Buzan Centres – Mind Mapping. www.mind-map.com

“Creating training miracles: the power of accelerative learning”

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3 Truths About Reclaiming Confidence You Need to Know Right Now

Not everyone is going to get it right.

Sadly, there’s always someone quick to point out when you’re getting it wrong.

It’s when you come under fire that you lose confidence quickly.

To get past this kind of blow to our confidence, you need to understand these simple truths:

Not Everyone Has It Right. Not Even You

Haters are gonna hate. But just because someone comes at you with the most reasonable-sounding explanation in the world of why you’re an idiot (and you’re an expert at giving that speech to yourself), the truth is, the person doing the talking quite likely doesn’t know what they’re talking about. This is because of one simple truth: People really don’t know everything, and even when they think they do, they have a tendency to get things wrong. So just because something nasty has been said, it doesn’t make it right. Regardless of who it’s coming from.

A Lot of Criticism is Grounded in Jealousy

That disaster you’re beating yourself up over? How much of it was the result of the green-eyed monster? Too often, we give people authority over us they don’t deserve. We listen to their complaints thinking they’re right without questioning why they’re attacking what you’re doing. The biggest culprit of why you’ve drawn the attention of the critics is jealousy. Don’t let someone pull down your confidence just because they’re feeling threatened by where you are.

You’re Better Than You Think

The loss of confidence can make you the critic. Why? Because now you’re looking for justification for thinking you’re no good. And trust me, when you go hunting for this kind of justification, you’ll always find it. Here’s where you need to back up and take a good, hard, impartial look at yourself. Ask:

Is This Thought Really True?

For example, you might be thinking, “I fail at everything I do.” Is this realistic? Probably not.

If This Thought Isn’t True, What Emotion is it Coming From?

The most likely explanation? A lot of negative emotions come from fear. In the previous example, you might be afraid of failing, so by convincing yourself you’re a failure already, you no longer have to try.

What’s a Truer Statement I Might Make Instead?

Try rewording the thought and keep it honest. ‘I’m afraid of failing, but since I’ve succeeded in the past, there’s good reason to think I will succeed now.”

Confidence comes from accepting the reality of who you are and where you are. Remember, nobody, not even you, has a right to make you feel small.

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Would you let your son dive into this pool? Would a story change your mind?

I love visiting waterfalls and creeks and swimming holes in the rainforest.

There is beauty. There is peace.

But also a sense of activity as the water moves through its environment, trickling or roaring, making music of its own and changing the landscape as it goes.

This was a river, one of many, that we visited on our holiday, with all of the beauty and peace and movement. It is a popular tourist place, with facilities for visitors including beautifully maintained walks and lookouts. The river runs through huge rocks and the place is actually called “The Boulders”.

At many of the places we had visited before this one, there were swimming “holes” where people were swimming in the rivers, cold though the temperature was at the time, and other places where tour guides showed their clients how to inch across the rocks and slide safely with the water to a pool below.

It’s something that people do.

I have never swum in these water holes, but I like to see the joy and fun that people have who do.

At a lake we visited there were the usual young men daring each other to feats of daring by diving backwards with a somersault into the lake, off a pontoon.

And in watercourses all around the country on any given day, there are children swinging out over lagoons and waterholes on an old tyre attached to a rope and jumping off into the water.

And all around the country, in any given year there will be accidents – people who want that fun, carefree joy and challenge – but who dive into shallow water or land on something submerged in the water.

There are people absolutely incapacitated because of such accidents or even worse.

In many places there are signs, just like this one …

and on the whole, people abide by them. Not always.

If I were a young man (or woman, though it seems to be young men who are more tempted), would I abide by them?

If I were a young man’s mother, would I want him to abide by them? I know the temptation is strong for the fun, carefree joy and challenge, and I know it is not always resisted.

But at The Boulders, the signs were different. And here’s where the story comes in.

I had never ever before seen a sign that said “Many people have died here”, and it was repeated on signs throughout the area.

People have died here.

That is a four word story.

I like to think it would have more impact than the standard sign.

If you were a young man (or woman), would you be more likely to abide by the rule?

If you were a young man’s parent or friend, would you be more likely to persuade him? I would like to think so.

I know as a mother … I would.

I was caught by this thought every time we passed such a sign.

But then when we walked out of the rainforest into the car park, I noticed this plaque on a rock.

Did he dive … and die?

Perhaps not, but if the story is that he did, imagine his mother, his father, his friends, his family, his community and how they felt when he did not return – forever – just because of that daredevil impulse.

That is a heartrending story of a young man who did not live out his life as he could have and whose death must have caused waves and years of anguish.

If you were a young man (or woman), would you be more likely to abide by the rule … knowing that story?

If you were a young man’s parent or friend, would you be more likely to persuade him?

I would like to think so.

I know as a mother … I would.

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3 Ways Imperfection Adds Beauty To Your Relationships

What is the perfect relationship?

Movies and books would have you think you have to attain perfection to be happy as a couple. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, there are several ways in which imperfection adds beauty to your relationship.

Consider these things: Imperfection is What Draws You Closer

When we first meet someone new, we tend to wear a mask. We want people to see us as something bigger and better than we are.

This showboating is normal. Everyone likes to be liked. But when you're in a relationship, there comes a time when you need to take the masks off.

Here's where you share your imperfections and vulnerabilities with the other person. In these moments, you allow someone to see your truest self, where you build the closest relationship. This is an amazingly intimate process.

When the other person likewise feels safe enough to reveal their innermost self to you, these vulnerabilities come together to form the closest relationship you will ever experience in your lifetime. All of this stems from your imperfections. You couldn't reach this point without them.

Imperfection Teaches us Compassion

When you're in a relationship, it's not uncommon to start noticing the other person's flaws. If you are caught up in perfectionism, these flaws will irritate and annoy you.

Why are they not more perfect?

Why are they not trying the way you are?

On the other hand, if you are willing to admit to your flaws and imperfections, these mistakes will make you feel compassion and tolerance when the other person messes up. After all, would we want them to give the same to us?

Imperfection Builds Better Habits

Isn't it funny how we come to be like our significant other? When you've been in a relationship for a while, the other person's decisions start to become our decisions as well. For example: if the other person makes poor choices regarding health or fitness, it's quite likely you will as well.

The nice thing about admitting to imperfections is we're able to see where we're messing up and correct our behavior. Our significant other see us making this effort and will follow our lead more often than not. Thankfully, these joint mistakes become something you can later laugh about. for now, even if it's painful, our imperfections will unite us as we learn new lessons, which in turn create a better and healthier "us."

These three items might not seem very important at first glance, but give them a chance. If you're willing to be imperfect with the other person, you will find they are more willing to be imperfect with you. This is a beautiful thing and helps build a stronger and more long-lasting relationship.

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3 Aspects of Imperfection to Embrace

Imagine you’ve just made a mistake. How do you feel? Ready to celebrate?

If a celebration is the furthest thing from your mind, you're not alone. Most people hate when they make mistakes. For one thing, it's embarrassing to get something wrong. For another, it means you haven't reached the goal you'd set for yourself. There isn't much to like here.

Or is there?

Think about it. When we make mistakes, we learn how not to do something. Even more exciting is when these so-called 'mistakes' lead us into something new or interesting which we might never have found otherwise. After all, bubble wrap was completely a mistake, as the inventor was trying to make a new kind of wallpaper. So were things like Post-It Notes, the microwave oven, potato chips, and superglue.

There are several aspects of imperfection you would do well to embrace. Consider these traits:

Imperfection Gives You the Ability to Succeed

When you constantly strive for perfection and miss, you start thinking you're never going to accomplish anything. Eventually, you stop trying at all, guaranteeing the very failure you were trying to avoid. With imperfection, you aren’t so worried about potential failure, meaning you’re more likely to keep trying until you reach your goals.

Imperfection Builds the Best Relationships

Perfectionism at its worst tells you the rest of the world is never going to measure up. After all, these people don't perform as you want them to, so why would you expect anyone who fails to have any value. With this thought in mind, we start seeing others as being worthless. Failures. Now imagine trying to build a relationship with anyone when you expect so little of them. Isn't this a surefire disaster waiting to happen? Imperfection reminds us we're all human and therefore treats others with kindness. Now imagine how relationships flourish in this kind of atmosphere.

Imperfection Gives Us Self-Worth

This flawed view of the world becomes even worse when directed at ourselves. We start seeing all the ways we don't measure up, and as a result, our self-talk takes a turn for the worse. We beat ourselves up endlessly in an ongoing litany of negativity. We remind ourselves we're falling short at every turn until eventually, we feel so bad about ourselves there seems little reason to go on living. With imperfection, though, we can accept our efforts as being good enough. We can celebrate small victories and solid attempts. We start seeing our efforts as worthwhile and ourselves as having value again. Imperfection changes our self-talk toward positivity.

In short, these three aspects of imperfection combine to make us our best selves. No more do we need to hold ourselves to impossible standards. Our imperfect self already has everything needed to make you into the best version of yourself.